Ed’s Migrant Recruitment Agency

With tens of thousands of asylum seekers currently in the UK, and the Home Office taking multiple months to process applications for residency, there is going to be an exodus of desperate people looking for work and accommodation.

I call up Greaser on the burner blower. “What’s the demand like for migrant workers up there?“ I ask him.

“Unlimited, Ed,” replies Greaser. 

“What sort of pay can they expect?”

“Between two or three hundred a week cash in hand,” says Greaser.

“Here’s the deal, Greaser, get as many potential employers as you can, tell ‘em you can supply as many migrants as they want in return for their first two months’ wages.”

I then get a useful idiot I know to get on to a gullible junior working at the Home Office and ask for a contact among the migrants in asylum accommodation who can spread the word about training opportunities and give them a Greaser phone number to ring.

The migrants will snap up the lifeline, and we’ll  soon have a steady flow of migrants out of asylum accommodation and into Greaser’s Northern sweatshops.

The migrants escape Rwanda, the economy gets a boost from cheap labour and Greaser and I share couple of grand or so for every soul we save from the deportation flights.

It’s a win-win-win.